


Maybe Yours

by madamebomb



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Zuki, Zuki week, he did not deserve this, poor Sokka, prompt: fight/makeup, zukiweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23465956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamebomb/pseuds/madamebomb
Summary: Zuko and Suki have fallen in love, but there's only one problem; she's still dating Sokka.
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	Maybe Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Zuko is 19. Sokka and Suki are 18.

The first time he realized that she was more than just his bodyguard, more than just his friend's girlfriend, she had been in his suite eating dinner with him. He hated eating alone, or in a crowd with his generals and high-ranking officials. He hated being on display, all eyes on his scar.

He liked to eat with her. She was good company, and didn't seem to mind when he didn't talk much. His dour moods were less frequent around her. He'd noticed that too. She had a way of putting him at ease, and he loosened up in her company almost as much as he did in Aang's, or his Uncle's.

Sitting across from her at the table, watching her suck red noodles into her mouth, he laughed when a long noodle slapped her on the nose. She laughed with him, her eyes shining as she wiped at her nose, and he felt, for the first time, that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

That thought had bothered him. She was dating Sokka. He shouldn't be thinking anything about her at all. And yet...

Once he noticed, it was _all_ he could notice.

When she walked into a room he stopped she laughed, all he could do was listen, feeling heat in his face. And when she pinned him during their thrice weekly training sessions, maybe he let her do it. Okay, he didn't _let_ her do it, but he didn't fight as hard as he could have.

It was stupid of him, and it wasn't right. She was clearly head over heels in love with Sokka, and why wouldn't she be? Sokka was mad for her. He couldn't blame Sokka one bit for being in love with her.

Not that he, Zuko, was in love with her.

No way.

She was just...someone he admired. A beautiful woman who made him laugh. A friend. That was all.

For two months he tried to ignore the shake in his limbs whenever he saw her, the tightness in his guts, the heat beneath his skin. Two whole months.

Then she told him that she was leaving for Cranefish Town, where Aang was having some trouble with Earthbenders. She was going to go be with Sokka for a while. It had been months since they'd seen one another. She had looked happy, and eager to leave.

He had felt jealous, seeing the bright shine in her eyes, knowing she was thinking about seeing Sokka again. That she was leaving the Fire Nation. Leaving him.

He'd wanted to tell her not to leave. He'd wanted to volunteer to go with her, but he couldn't do that. There were too many pressing matters to attend to in the Fire Nation. Aang could handle a couple of Benders. So could the others. So could Suki. They didn't need him.

She didn't need him.

The pain of that was unbearable.

"I wish you didn't have to go," he said after a long moment, afraid of the words that might come out of him. Standing on his balcony side by side, he looked at her in the light of the setting sun, watching her hair turn red as the clouds streaked overhead.

"They need my help."

"More than I do?" he teased, and she blushed beneath her paint, looking down at her hands on the railing beside his.

"Things have been quiet here for months. You have Ty Lee and the others. You don't need me."

"Yes, I do," he said honestly. "How long will you be gone?" Her smile had been soft and easy, warm and beautiful.

"I don't know. Zuko, I... I'll miss you," she said and then she threw her arms around him.

It was a fierce hug, a tight hug that felt too warm, too intimate. His arms had gone around her instantly, and he'd tucked his face into her neck, smelling the lavender and jasmine of her perfume. It was the scent of home and he breathed it in. They stayed like that for long time. Too long. He didn't want to let go, but he knew he should.

He knew the hug was too long, too close. So had she, but she hadn't tried to move away either. She stood there with her arms around him, breathing against his neck for several heart-stopping moments.

"Will you come back?" he asked, finally pulling back to stare into her eyes. They had looked at each other for a moment, and something between them changed. He had felt it then, something seismic, shaking him to the root.

"I don't know," she said and he felt a stab of pain in his guts. It was jealousy, and he knew it. He knew she was going to Cranefish Town to be with Sokka as much as to fight Earthbenders. He had no right to be jealous.

But he was.

"You always have a home here, Suki. Always," he said and she reached out, taking his fingers, and squeezing them tightly. Her smile was just as soft as before, and he felt tingles race down his skin.

"I know, but..."

"Sokka."

"Sokka," she said and bit her lip, looking away from him.

She left then, and he watched her go, already missing her. That feeling didn't go away; it grew as the weeks went on, and the hole she'd left in his life refused to be filled. He threw himself into his work, into training, into anything to keep himself from wondering where she was.

He already knew where she was. With _him._ Where she should have been, with the man she loved. The more he thought about it, the more jealous he became, until it was all that he could think about.

The first letter he got from her from Cranefish Town came a week after she'd left. Seeing her letter had made his heart soar. He'd wanted to write to her, but he'd talked himself out of it.

He read her letter ten times, sitting in a chair in his office, ignoring his other paperwork. She told him all about fighting the Earthbenders, and that she was going to stay to train the police force to chi-block.

She didn't know how long it would take. She thought it might be months.

He'd hesitated to write back, after that first letter, but then he'd been unable to stop himself. His first letter was stiff, formal, asking after everyone, wanting details of the situation. It wasn't the letter he'd wanted to send, but he couldn't write what he really wanted to.

He sent the letter and waited for a reply.

He got her next letter promptly. She hadn't been put off by his formal questions, writing as if they were sitting in the same room, talking over noodles. His second letter was less stiff. The letter she sent back was funny, full of humorous anecdotes about what the others were up to, how they were cleaning up Cranefish Town, and how Aang, Katara, Toph, and Sokka were planning on staying there.

She never said if she was planning to stay. He was afraid to ask.

They sent letters back and forth for three months. Three months, and with each letter, he became more and more infatuated with her. The first time he realized that he had feelings for her—real feelings, and not just a simple crush—was when she mentioned something Sokka had done, some funny story about Momo and a peach.

It was a funny story, and he'd laughed, but his laughter stopped. He read back over her words and the pain in chest became unbearable, the jealousy rearing up like a two-headed snake and striking at his heart, at his mind, at his soul.

He balled up the letter and tossed it aside. Then he got up and retrieved it, smoothing it out and tracing his fingers over her careful writing, the soft brushstrokes that he'd come to treasure.

He wanted to ask her to come back. He wanted to go to Cranefish Town and see her. He wanted to look into her blue eyes and see if she felt the same way he felt.

But he couldn't do any of those things. She was there. And she was with Sokka, and he was here, alone and in pain, dying of jealousy he had no right to feel.

He reread her letter, especially the words at the end.

_The only thing that could make this better is if you were here, Zuko. I miss you more than you know. I think about you a lot, more than I should, probably. Sokka says I talk about you a lot. I think it annoys him._

_I can't help it. You're on my mind a lot._

_I worry about your safety, even though I know Ty Lee has your back. I also worry that no one there is making you laugh. You need to laugh more. I love it when you smile. It means everything to me. You're too dour for your own good, but I like that about you too. It's who you are. And I like who you are, Zuko. Every dour bit of you._

_Yours, Suki._

Yours, she'd said, but she didn't mean it the way he wanted her to. He was reading into her words, seeing what he wanted to see. He was torturing himself.

And yet... She'd said she liked who he was. What did that mean? Did it mean anything at all? Was she just being friendly?

But he thought about that hug on his balcony, and the way she'd held him, the soft look in her eyes when she'd left...like she didn't want to go, not really...

That memory and her words on the page emboldened him. His pulse pounded as he grabbed his brush. It flew across the parchment as he wrote back to her in a flurry, letting his heart pour out like a floodgate.

_Dear Suki,_

_I miss you too. It's like a constant ache in my chest, like someone's stabbed me and I'm bleeding out on the floor. The palace is full of people, but it feels empty without you here. Every time I turn a corner I hope you'll be there, but you never are._

_You're right, I am too dour. I'm sullen and moody, and I don't laugh. Except when you're here. You make me laugh, Suki. You make me smile, and I like that about you. You make me feel like I can be myself, without worry, without compromise. You know me. You see me. And I see you._

_Do you know what I see?_

_I see a woman of wit and competence. Grace. Skill. Beauty. Someone who takes my breath away._

_What I see is someone I care about, more than I should, more than I ever suspected the first time we met. You're important to me, Suki._

_You are everything. I shouldn't say that, and I know it, but it's true. It's how I feel about you._

_Now that you're gone, the only time I smile is when I get one of your letters. It's the highlight of my week, my day, my life. I miss talking to you everyday, seeing you, training with you. Just being with you._

_If you want me to smile, come back to me._

_Yours, Zuko._

He stared at the words for a long moment and then pushed the letter aside. He knew he didn't dare send it. She'd be horrified. And what if Sokka saw it?

It was inappropriate, even if it was the truth.

He wrote another one out, one that spilled less of his heart out onto his sleeve. He was being stupid and he knew it. She didn't feel the same way. He was overstepping. He had no right. No matter how he felt.

This would pass. It _had_ to pass. It was just a crush. A stupid, painful, soul-consuming crush. When he finished the second letter, he pushed it aside and picked up the first one again. He reread it and shook his head in disgust at his own stupidity, tossing it down onto his desk again, and pacing to the window. When he called in his secretary, he gestured to his desk and told him to send the letter at once. He stood at the window, staring out at the turtle-duck pond, deep in thought.

The next day he was sorting through his paperwork and found the letter he'd thought he'd already sent out. Seeing it confused him for a moment, and he called his secretary into the room.

"I told you to send this letter out to Captain Suki in Cranefish Town yesterday. Why hasn't it been sent?" he said to his secretary, who frowned, taking the letter from him.

"I _did_ send your letter to the Captain. Is this another one?" his secretary asked, brow arching.

Zuko's blood ran cold and he started rummaging through the paperwork on his desk. When he didn't find the first letter he'd written to her, the one that had said too much and not enough, he let out a string of curses. Panic hit him. He grasped his secretary by the elbows.

"Did you read the letter?" he asked, shaking the man until his glasses slipped to the end of his nose.

"Of course not, Fire Lord Zuko! Is there...is there a problem? Did I do something wrong?"

All of the air went out of him. He sagged, pacing back to the window and pressing his head against the cool glass.

"No. No, but I did," he said. He dismissed the man, his stomach in knots.

He waited for another week, his sleep disturbed as he tossed and turned with worry, wondering if he should write to her again, to tell her that the letter was a mistake, that he hadn't meant to send it.

He thought about lying, but he couldn't think of anything plausible to say. How could he take that back? How could he pretend he hadn't said those things? She'd be mortified when she got the letter. He knew it. And Sokka...what if Sokka read it?

What if he'd just ruined two of his closest friendships? They'd have every right to be furious with him. He was furious at himself for risking everything.

A week passed, and then two weeks.

He knew she'd gotten the letter. He knew she'd read it.

Her silence said everything.

Misery grew in him like mold and he found himself glaring daggers at everyone who talked to him. He stayed in his room, staring at the walls, wishing the floor would swallow him up. He got regular letters from Aang, and he scoured them, looking for mentions of Suki, but Aang just wanted to talk about the work he was doing in the town.

After two and a half weeks, he got her reply with his breakfast. He dismissed the servants, ignoring his food as he stared at the scroll, his hands shaking.

He didn't want to read it. He was afraid of what it might say.

It took him ten minutes to gather up enough courage to open it. He paced the floor the whole time, pumping himself up until he finally broke the wax seal and unrolled it with numb fingers. The sight of her familiar writing punched him straight in the heart and he stopped dead in his tracks to read it.

_Dearest Zuko,_

_I've written about a thousands responses to your letter, but none of them seemed good enough to send back to you. I was afraid my first letter said too much, that you wouldn't write back. That you'd think I'd crossed a line, and maybe it did._

_But I wrote the truth, and I think you did too._

_Your letter was more than I'd hoped for, but exactly what I wanted, needed to hear. I know I shouldn't be hoping for anything from you, for a lot of reasons. I know I shouldn't be writing this letter to you now, but I am. I know that's wrong, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help the way I feel._

_But I think you know how I feel now, and I think I know how you feel too. Am I wrong? Please tell me I didn't misread things? I don't know what to say. Please write me back._

_Yours, Suki_

Zuko smiled, his hand crammed against his lips. He reread her letter ten times, twenty, thirty, until the words were emblazoned on his heart. He wrote back just as quickly as before, biting his lip and letting his heart pour out onto the page.

_Dearest Suki,_

_You didn't misread anything. I was terrified that I did though, that you wouldn't write back after my last letter, that you were horrified or something. When I finally got your reply I just stared at it for a while before I could open it. I thought for sure that my heart was going to break into a million pieces if I read it, that you were going to tell me off. I wouldn't have blamed you._

_But you didn't do that._

_You feel the same way that I do._

_And as happy as that makes me, I'm also not sure what that means._

_The truth is, you have a boyfriend and he's one of my best friends. I know you care about Sokka. I care about him too. I don't want to get in between you. I don't want to put you in a position like this and the last thing I want is to hurt anyone._

_But I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for you. I have for a long time._

_Do you still love him? You can tell me the truth, Suki. You can always tell me the truth, no matter what it is._

_You have my permission to break my heart._

_Yours, always, Zuko._

He sent the letter out, and got his reply within the week.

_My dearest Zuko,_

_The last thing I want to do is break your heart. The truth is, I'm not sure how I feel about Sokka. I know I care about him, but I started having feelings for you long before I left. I tried to ignore them, but I couldn't._

_I thought staying here in Cranefish Town with him would really put things into perspective, that what I felt for you was just some crush that would go away. That's why I left._

_Clearly, the feelings haven't gone away. They've gotten stronger. I can't ignore them. The more I think of you, the more my heart aches. I miss you in a way that I've never missed him and as much as that hurts me to say, I know its true. I think that means something._

_He doesn't know how I feel, or the doubts I've been having. I've been afraid to tell him. He seems happy here in Cranefish Town. He keeps telling me he wants to settle down here, that he wants me to settle too. They're making plans to turn this into a city where people from every nation can live. I know Aang has been writing to you about it. I love the idea, but I don't know if I fit into that plan. I don't know if I want to._

_I think Sokka would like me to stay, and maybe I would, if you hadn't written me back the way you did. You don't want to get in between us, but it's not just you. I have feelings for you, Zuko, and I can't ignore them._

_I care about him so much, but I don't know if I love him the way that I should. If I feel this way about you, how can I stay with him? Writing these letters feels wrong, like I'm cheating on him, but I don't want to stop. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost._

_Maybe yours, Suki_

They wrote back and forth for another month, in the same vein, each letter becoming more and more intimate. Suki seemed torn about her feelings for him, and her feelings for Sokka. He vowed not to push her, but he wasn't going to pretend he didn't want her.

Things came to a head when business finally brought him to Cranefish Town two months later. Aang had been writing him the whole time as well, telling him about the plans for the town. They were going to rename it, if the Earth King consented to the creation of a republic, where all the people of every nation could come and live.

Like Suki, Zuko liked the idea, and he told Aang he'd come for a visit the moment Aang asked. The truth was, he just wanted to see Suki.

When he saw her again, she took his breath away. She was standing at the airship docks outside of the rapidly growing town, standing beside Toph and Sokka. He only had eyes for her, noting the smile on her face and the way her eyes met his the moment he stepped out of the airship.

Aang got to him first, pulling him into a fierce hug. Katara was next and he hugged her back, looking at Suki over her shoulder. When he pulled back, Katara smiled at him.

"It's good to see you again, Zuko."

"It's good to see you too, Katara," he said, and then flinched when Toph punched his arm. "Ow! You too, Toph!"

Muscular arms wrapped themselves around Toph, pulling her back into a broad chest. Sokka put his chin on top of Toph's head, grinning at him.

"Watch out punching the Fire Lord, Toph. His bodyguard won't like that."

"Greatest Earthbender in the world, buddy. I'm not afraid of nothing," Toph said, smiling up at him.

"Believe me, I know, you little terror," Sokka said, landing a kiss on top of Toph's head.

"That's Chief Terror to you," she sniped at him.

"You're not the chief of police just because you started calling yourself that," Katara said, but Toph ignored her, as Sokka let her go. Zuko caught the bright red tinge to Toph's cheeks. When Sokka approached him, he flinched. He couldn't help it. He didn't know why, but he was expecting a punch. Instead, Sokka pulled him into a back-thumping one-handed hug.

"We missed you, buddy," Sokka said warmly. Zuko smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Not as much as Suki missed you though."

Zuko's stomach flipped over, and he couldn't stop himself from meeting her gaze again. He felt tingles go though him from head to toe.

"Did she?"

"Talks about you all the time," Sokka said, and then frowned a little. "I might be jealous if I didn't know better."

"Jealous of what?" he said, and his voice broke.

"Leave him alone, Sokka," Suki said, coming over and standing in front of him. "You look well, Zuko."

"You too," he said, and a million things he'd wanted to tell her but didn't dare say in one of his letters floated to the surface of his mind. "You look... You look beautiful. As always."

"Thank you," she said and lifted up, kissing his cheek. Zuko felt a rush go through him, blood in his head, in his cheeks. His eyes cut to Sokka, who was watching them, brows drawing down low. Suki backed up a step, her face red.

Sokka didn't say anything. No one else seemed to notice anything, except Toph, who cocked her head in his direction, her mouth turned down in a frown. He ignored her, turning back to Aang. They walked through the sprawling village to the house where they were staying, Aan chatting away happily. He could feel Sokka's eyes on him. He kept wanting to steal glances at Suki, but he didn't dare.

He caught up with the others as they showed him around, making a big meal that they served at a low table. He sat down next to Sokka, laughing and talking to the others, trying not to look at Suki, eating her meal in silence. She kept looking at him though, trying to meet his eye.

He was afraid the others would see how he felt if he looked at her for too long. He wanted to get her alone. He needed to talk to her. There was so much he was dying to say to her in person.

He didn't trust himself though. If he found himself alone with her, he knew exactly what he'd do, and that was kiss her. And that was Wrong. No matter what they'd said in their letters, he knew that was a line he didn't dare cross.

But he wanted to.

They spent hours laughing, playing pai sho, and talking about the future of the town, and the meeting with the Earth King in a few days. He was content, listening to his friends talking. It had been too long. He'd missed them, all of them.

Aang and Katara finally went to bed, leaving him, Suki, and Toph at the table, a game of pai sho in front of them.

"If I knew you were this bad at pai sho, I never would have chosen you for a partner," Sokka grumped to Toph after losing yet another game.

"You knew I was blind the first time you met me. What about that makes you think I'd be good at a board game?" Toph shot at him.

"Well, you're ruthless. I thought that was enough," Sokka said, as Toph stuck out her tongue at him. He ruffled her hair and pulled her against his shoulder, draping his arm over. Toph didn't look like she minded. "But Zuko and Suki have been kicking our ass."

"Well, I knew Zuko was a ruthless fighter when I first met him, that's why I picked him," Suki said, smiling at him. He felt his heart skip a beat.

"I thought you two met at the Boiling Rock, when Sokka broke you out of prison," Toph said.

Suki looked up at him. Their gazes met, amusement and desire dancing in her eyes.

"We did," Zuko said, fighting a smile.

"We didn't," Suki argued, brow arching. "He burned down my village."

"I didn't meet you then."

"So you say, Fire Lord."

"It doesn't count."

"It counts."

"Don't make me come over there," Zuko said, forgetting where he was. Suki's face went red, and she glanced over at Sokka, who was watching them with a strange look on his face.

"Do you two need a room?" Toph cracked, but the joke fell flat. There was tension in the air, palpable and thick. Sokka looked angry, leaning away from Toph and tapping his hand against his knee. He looked at them for a moment, glowering.

"So Zuko, tell Suki how well you've been getting along without her," Sokka said, his eyes flicking between them.

"What?"

"Sokka," Suki said warningly, but Sokka ignored her.

"I keep telling her you have other bodyguards, but she keeps telling me how worried she is about you. She keeps telling me she needs to go back to the Fire Nation. So tell her to stop worrying. Tell her she can stay right here with me," Sokka said, grinning at him as he put his other arm around Suki's shoulders. She stiffened, her eyes downcast.

He knew that he should tell Sokka what he wanted to hear. That it would be easier for them all if he did. It was the smart thing to do. The right thing.

Instead, before he could stop himself or think better of it, he said, "I'm a mess without her, Sokka. I miss her."

Sokka stiffened at that. "What?"

Zuko's eyes popped and he saw Suki's face pale. He said quickly, stumbling over his words, "You know, in general. She keeps Ty Lee on her toes. She's...she's irreplaceable. She's the best at what she does, Sokka."

"But you have other bodyguards. She should stay here with me! You don't need her."

"Maybe she should decide what she wants for herself," Zuko said, ice edging into his voice. "She can make her own decisions about who she wants to be with. I mean... I mean, _where_ she wants to be."

Sokka frowned at him, his eyes narrowing. "She wants to be with her boyfriend! Which is me!"

"Yeah, we all know you're her boyfriend, Sokka. You never shut up about it," Toph said with an edge to her voice. "Maybe she wants to go back to the Fire Nation?"

"Stay out of it, Toph!" Sokka said. "She doesn't want to go back to the Fire Nation!"

"Stop telling me what I want, Sokka!" Suki burst out, shoving his arm off of her shoulders and standing. "And stop trying to make my decisions for me!"

She stormed out of the room, tears in her eyes, leaving the three of them at the table, stunned.

"Great. Now look what you did," Sokka said to him, huffing.

"What _I_ did? You're the one who upset her!" Zuko snapped back at him, starting to get up from the table to follow her. Sokka stood though, holding out his hand.

"No, she's _my_ girlfriend! I'll talk to her," he said with a growl in his voice, following Suki out of the door. That left Zuko sat the table with Toph, feeling wrong-footed, an ache in his chest. He wanted to go to Suki, to talk to her, but he knew that he couldn't. He had no right.

He stared at the pai sho table, and then looked up at Toph, whose face was hard to read beneath her heavy bangs. She flipped a pai sho tile over and over again in her fingers, a bitter lemony pucker to her mouth.

"Dammit," Zuko said, sighing. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Toph said after a long moment, shocking him completely. His eyes popped and he opened his mouth, a denial ready on his lips. He shoved the words back down, however, and sighed in defeat again. Toph's bare feet were against the stone floor; there was no way he'd be able to lie to her and get away with it, and he knew it.

"How did you know?"

"Little tells. Heartbeat, the change in your voice when you talk to her. It's pretty obvious if you're paying attention," she said with a bitter tightness in her voice. Zuko frowned, studying her for a long moment.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because he might break up with Suki if you did."

"Why would I want him to do that?" Toph said, making a face.

"Little tells, Toph. Little tells," he said softly, leaning forward at the table. "Does he know?"

Toph's face went red and she lowered it, rubbing at her forehead beneath her bangs. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He started to reply but stopped when he heard raised voices in the courtyard where Suki had fled a few minutes ago. He stood up and went silently over to the door. He knew that he was intruding but he couldn't stop himself. He knew Suki was upset, and he knew that he was the cause.

"You've been acting weird since you found out he was coming for a visit, Suki! Actually, you've been weird about Zuko since you came here! I thought you were just worried about his safety, but it's more than that. What am I supposed to think? It's like you have a crush on him or something!"

Zuko peered around the door and saw Suki standing in the courtyard, her face in her hands. She lifted her head and he could see tears glazing her cheeks. He started to pull the door open, but stopped himself. He expected her to deny it, to soothe Sokka, to tell him he was wrong, to kiss him, anything.

Suki sniffed and wiped at her eyes instead.

"I do," she said miserably, looking up at Sokka.

"What?" Sokka whispered, hurt immediately in his voice.

"But it's not... It's not a crush, Sokka. I have feelings for him. Real feelings."

Sokka sat down onto a bench with a thud, as if his legs had been taken out from underneath him all of a sudden. He stared at the ground, and then up at her.

"What...what kind of feelings?"

"I don't know," she said, and then let out a sob.

"Does _he._..?"

"Yes."

Sokka stiffened, and Zuko backed away from the door, expecting Sokka to charge back toward the door to fight him. Instead he looked up at Suki, shaking his head.

"I knew something was up with you. With the two of you. Every time anyone mentions him you get this look on your face. And you said his name in your sleep the other night. I... Spirits, I tried to tell myself I was making it up, but I knew I wasn't and now... Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how. I don't want to hurt you. I still have feelings for you too."

"Do you love him more than me?" Sokka asked, the hurt in his voice making it shake. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do," Sokka said, standing again. "Tell me the truth, Suki. Please."

"It's not that simple."

"You either love me or you don't. Choose. Him or me." Suki hesitated, just for a moment, but the silence was pregnant, full of unspoken things. Sokka backed up a step. "Him. You choose him, don't you?"

"I didn't say anything," she said, but Sokka shook his head.

"You didn't have to," Sokka said, sorrow running hard through his voice. "I love you, Suki."

"I know you do. I still love you too, I know I do. But I..."

"But not enough, not if you have feelings for him too. Are you in love with him? Just tell me that? You owe me that."

Suki took a ragged breath and then said softly, "I am. I'm in love with him."

Sokka's fists clenched and he said something Zuko couldn't hear. His moth had fallen open and he clutched at the door, the blood rushing to his head.

Had she just said that she was in love with him?

Sokka paced the courtyard for a moment and then came to stand in front of Suki.

"What does this mean?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said. "I don't know what to do, Sokka. I don't want to hurt you."

"Too late," he said, and backed up away from her. "You're too late for that, Suki. I can't even look at you. For the first time... I can't even look at you."

"Sokka..."

"Go back to the Fire Nation with him if that's what you want. I won't stop you. But don't expect me to be here waiting for you. I'm no one's second choice," Sokka said hotly. "If he's your first choice, then... Spirits, I can't look at you."

"Sokka, I'm sorry," Suki said, but she didn't go after him. She stood rooted in the courtyard, unable to move, or perhaps unwilling. "I don't want to hurt you, I swear."

"You broke my fucking heart. That's what you did," Sokka said. "You don't get to swear you didn't want to hurt me when you're in love with someone else and you didn't have the guts to tell me before tonight. You don't get to do that."

Zuko knew that he should walk away, that he shouldn't be hearing this, but he couldn't move. He felt Toph come up behind him, her footsteps silent. He knew she was listening too. He felt her hand on his shoulder.

"This is wrong," Zuko started, but Toph shushed him sharply.

"Where are you going?" Suki asked.

"Away. If I stay I'll kill him."

"It's not his fault! I had feelings for him long before I even knew he had feelings for me! This has nothing to do with him!" Suki said heatedly, jabbing her finger at the house. Zuko pulled back, afraid she's see him through the tiny sliver in the door.

"Did you know before you came here? Is that why you came? To see if things between us worked out, or not?"

"No! I mean... I..."

"When did he tell you how he felt? Before you left?"

Suki paled. "No. I..."

Sokka stiffened and turned to her. He'd been pacing the courtyard, but he looked at her with anger in his eyes, and hurt. It was written all over his face.

"After you came here? While you've been with me here? Those letters you keep getting? Have they been from him?" Sokka asked.

"Shit," Zuko mumbled.

Suki's face was pained. "Yes. They were."

"You've been writing love letters behind my back?"

"You dog," Toph said in his ear. He ignored her, feeling his face glowing. He should walk out into the courtyard. Explain himself. Except he couldn't. He known what he was doing all along. There were no excuses he could give that would make it better.

"It's not like that!"

"Yes, it is!" Sokka shouted. "You've been cheating on me!"

Zuko pushed the door open and walked into the courtyard, the door banging against the wall.

"That's enough, Sokka!"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Sokka said, starting toward him. "She's told me everything! She's been cheating on me with you!"

"No one has cheated, Sokka. We've never even kissed!" he said, but he knew that wouldn't help. Sokka's face was red, and there were genuine tears in his eyes. He looked like he was in pain. Real, heartbreaking pain.

Zuko felt terrible. All of the accusations and anger in Sokka's eyes and his voice were totally justified. Zuko had known what he was doing the whole time. He could have stopped it, he could have told Suki to make a choice before he'd pursued her. He hadn't.

He deserved whatever Sokka gave him, and then some. But he wasn't about to let him take his anger out on Suki, who was sobbing brokenly now. She'd burst into fresh tears the minute he'd walked out the door. She was past her breaking point.

"You've been writing little love letters to each other. That's cheating! It's emotional cheating and you both know it!"

"We do," Zuko said. "Sokka, I'm in love with her."

Sokka punched him. Zuko didn't do anything to block it, though he'd seen it coming. The force of the blow is what shocked him, knocking him onto his rear, his face smarting. Suki gasped and dived for him.

"Zuko!" she said, crouching before him. He looked at her through bleary eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I had that coming," Zuko mumbled, looking up at Sokka, shaking his fist and glaring at him.

"You're damned right you did," Sokka said thickly, as Suki helped him to his feet. She buried her face his shoulder, her body trembling. His arms went around her and he looked up at Sokka, his aching face hard.

"I deserved it, but I'm not going to let you yell at Suki like this. She's been in knots about this. She doesn't want to hurt you. That's the last thing she wants. She hasn't made a choice between us. You need to understand that. I didn't come here to pressure her into one."

But Sokka looked at the two of them bitterly and then gestured to Suki crying on his shoulder. "She's made her choice, Zuko. She made her choice the minute she wrote you that first letter. Suki..."

"Sokka, I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," Sokka said, and tears spilled down his cheek. He hastily wiped them away, his face screwed up with pain. "That's the bad thing. I know you are, but that doesn't change anything. I love you! I was going to..." But he stopped those words, swallowing them whole. Zuko was pretty sure he knew what he'd been about to say. "I hope you're both happy."

"Sokka..."

"Don't. Just don't. There's nothing either of you can say to make this right. You broke my fucking heart. The both of you. I can't even look at you. I can't..." Sokka stopped and then wiped a hand down his face. "I can't be here. You both need to leave. When I get back, you... Just go."

Zuko watched as he walked toward the gate. He didn't try to stop him. He didn't know what to say to him, how to make everything okay. He didn't think anything could. Suki didn't watch Sokka go. She had her face buried in his chest, still crying softly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair, stroking her back, her hair. She shivered in his arms and then looked up at him.

"I didn't want to hurt him," she said, hiccuping as the tears flowed from her eyes. "But he was right, Zuko. I knew... I knew. I knew what I wanted. I figured it out weeks ago, I just didn't know how to tell him without hurting him."

"I know," he said, pulling her back against his chest. He rocked her in place, holding her tightly against his chest while she cried. "We could have handled this better. I should have done something..."

"No, this was my mess," she said. "My fault. I started it in those letters. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to. Zuko..."

He knew exactly how she felt. He unwound his arms from around her and cupped her face, wiping away the tears there, staring into her swimming eyes.

"I heard what you said to him. Are you in love with me?"

Suki hitched in a breath and then nodded. "Yes. I am. Did you mean it too?"

"I'm in love with you too," he said softly. "You have no idea how many times I wanted to say that in my letters." Suki leaned her cheek against his hand and he stared at her.

Zuko heard footsteps, and looked up to see Toph standing in the doorway. He knew she'd been listening at the door where he'd left her. She frowned at him.

"Damn, you're lucky he only hit you once. Well, the night is young. If I were you I'd get out of town before he comes back and decides to wipe the floor with you," she said, cocking her heard in the direction of the gate Sokka had walked out of. "He's really upset. I've never heard him cry before."

"Toph, you're not helping."

"I know," she said, flashing a grin at him, that faded quickly. She jabbed her thumb back at the house. "Go. I'll talk to him. And I'll tell Aang and Katara everything in the morning. Juicy details and all. Who knew you had it in you, Zuzu?"

Toph disappeared through the gate, following Sokka wherever he'd gone, and leaving Zuko to tip Suki's head back. She was still crying, but wiped at her tears again. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Take me home, Zuko."

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes. Please. It's all I've wanted since I left. I just couldn't admit it."

They packed up Suki's things as quickly as they could, grabbing his bags as they went. He wrote Aang a quick letter explaining things, not trusting Toph's version of events. He knew Aang wouldn't approve. He might even be angry. He promised to meet with the Earth King in the future, if Aang still wanted him to.

He hoped they understood. He hoped that Sokka would forgive them eventually. He didn't know if he ever would, and Zuko couldn't blame him if he didn't.

They had both hurt him, and Sokka hadn't deserved it.

By the time they set off in his airship, the sun was coming up over the horizon. They left Cranefish Town behind, sweeping out over the ocean, where it was just the two of them. Suki seemed numb, but her tears had stopped. He set the tiller and stoked the fire, and then came back over to sit beside her on the bench.

She looked at him, and he looked at her, the first rays of morning sunlight touching her face with soft yellow light. She looked beautiful, even with her eyes and nose red, and tear tracks on her cheeks. He reached up a hand and touched her cheek, and she grabbed it, keeping it there against her cheek, turning her head into it.

The sky was made of hammered gold, and the ocean swelled far beneath them, as blue as her eyes and just as deep. There was sorrow in those eyes, but also hope. And when he kissed her, she kissed him back, hard and soft at the same time, holding him to her, as if afraid to let go.

His hand sank into her hair, telling her all of the things he'd wanted to tell her for months, kissing her the way he'd wanted to kiss her on the balcony of his suite the night she'd left.

When they pulled back, her smile was soft and wanting, desire in the ragged breath she took. She was his. He could see it in her eyes, and despite everything that had happened, he could feel it, this new thing between them. It hadn't been a lie. The things they'd said in their letters hadn't been a mistake, whatever the fall out.

Zuko caressed her cheek, feeling the first stirring of hope in him.

Maybe things would work out. Maybe Sokka would eventually understand, and forgive them. He hoped so, and maybe that hope was enough.

Only time would tell.

(end)


End file.
